Jerika is a PhD student from San Francisco, living in Nijmegen. Her life as an expat has changed a lot in the past year, especially since Trump actually won the elections. Today, she gets ready for his inauguration.
Today marks an uncertain turning point in both the American and global future. As the world gears up to witness the much anticipated 45th Presidential inauguration of celebrity businessman Donald Trump, a number of protest events have popped up not only in the United States but also in the Netherlands. Many are refusing to tune in for the ceremony in disapproval of Trump’s calamitous campaign which has been rife with more unbelievable one-liners than one could count.
It’s so comforting that our new President will be there tackling important issues such as snack biscuits.
As I started to prepare myself for today’s ceremony, I couldn’t help but reflect on the ridiculous political gaffs of the last nine months. Moreover, I couldn’t pass up the chance to revisit five of the most humorously random promises that Donald Trump has made to the American people. Sadly, this list could be infinitely larger. I, however, have a word limit.
1. Ensure that all Oreos eaten in the United States are American made: it’s so comforting that our new President will be there tackling the important issues: the economy, war, and snack biscuits.
2. Stop spending money on space exploration and reinvest those funds in making roads smoother: he may have a point here… should we really be searching for intelligent life outside the galaxy given that Trumps campaign has raised the question of whether intelligent life even exists on Earth?
3. Feed all foreign diplomats McDonalds: apparently the new POTUS [President of the US, ed.] wants to spread the magic of American obesity with the rest of the world.
4. Make golf more affordable for every American: never mind about education, the future of the country relies on people knowing how to hit a tiny ball into a hole with the least amount of swings possible.
5. Trump promised every student at Wofford College in South Carolina who attended his town hall that they will have a guaranteed job upon graduation: Verdorie! I’m never at the right place at the right time.
Another one of my favourite ridiculous Trump quotes:
‘I promise, we’re going to win so much — win after win after win — that you’re going to be begging me: ‘Please, Mr. President, let us lose once or twice. We can’t stand it any more.’ And I’m going to say: ‘No way. We’re going to keep winning. We’re never going to lose. We’re never, ever going to lose’.’
Trump’s comical blunders have been supported by a cabinet of his equally hilarious administrators, including Trump’s new Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos who has recently stated that the biggest threat to American education are grizzly bear attacks in schools, and Head of Housing and Urban Development nominee Ben Carson, who is quoted to have said that Universal Health Care is the worst thing to happen in the USA since slavery, and that the Egyptian pyramids were built to store wheat.
Welcoming American refugees
On a more serious note, there is nothing funny about much of Trump’s plan. His vow to deport all Muslims and kill the family members of terrorists has stricken fear in many about what the future of the country holds in the hands of the new far-right American leader. The inauguration will be one of the most controversial ceremonies to date, with scores of protest marches planned drawing millions of people and many celebrities and politicians refusing to take part. Many Dutch are also organising events in protest of President Trump taking office, some of which are keeping the spirit of humor alive in their expression of discontent. The largest event, called ‘Amsterdam Welcomes American Refugees’ warmly encourages my fellow compatriots and I to abandon all hope for common sense in the USA and move to the Netherlands. The description comically reads: ‘Come over to the beautiful little country of the Netherlands where we don’t have guns and big walls, but there is weed, and the legal drinking age is 18.’
In summary, Donald Trump has made the world realise that some promises are better left unfulfilled. It still remains unclear if anything the future President has guaranteed will come to pass. Ironically, it may be the first time in American history that people are actually wishing that their fearless leader does not do good on his word. On the bright side, the new President has vowed that although he thinks journalists are the scum of the Earth, he does not plan on murdering us. ‘I hate some of these people, but I would never kill them.’ So reassuring.