Those who are good at controlling their impulses are more likely to have a successful relationship than those who are not. Faithfulness, forgiveness and a willingness to sacrifice for another are all linked to impulse control. This was concluded by Nijmegen social psychologist Tila Pronk in her PhD thesis. And the good news is that self-control can be learned!

Pronk explains: “Impulse control includes different mechanisms that help us in directing our thoughts, feelings and behavior. Namely, suppressing your first impulse, being able to perform different tasks at the same time and refreshing your working memory.”

Relationship skills
Tila Pronk wanted to know if impulse control was a predictor for three attributes that are necessary to protect a relationship: forgiveness, faithfulness, and a willingness to sacrifice. And indeed it is: participants with better impulse control were more forgiving than others. They also showed less flirtatious behavior and appeared more willing to put the interests of their partner above their own. These are all qualities that contribute to a good relationship.

Tired brain
Impulse control is regulated within the prefrontal cortex and varies throughout the day. Pronk says: “After a busy day your prefrontal cortex can be tired. At those times you will have reduced impulse control, with all the risks that entails. You may have an extra glass of wine, will be more likely to have an argument with your partner and will be more inclined to flirt. These are all things you otherwise might not have done if you more rested.

Control can be learned
There is hope. According to Pronk:  “Anyone who has weak impulse control can do something about it. For example, you can make an agreement with your partner not to discuss difficult things right after work. You can also learn to control your impulses through cognitive training and relationship therapy.”